


Benway~

by xLeePricklesx



Category: Ballum, EastEnders, benway - Fandom, eastender
Genre: Angst, BBC, EastEnders - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Soap, bbc iplayer, bbc one - Freeform, ben x callum, callum x ben, ee, soaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 01:01:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19757374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLeePricklesx/pseuds/xLeePricklesx
Summary: Basically a collection of Benway- a hold lot of it kids, for you all to eat!





	Benway~

Regretting something isnt the best- it hurts, more than anything. Wanting to change the past, create a better beauty of the future. Its gone, and Ben will never truly accept it. Paul isnt really dead in his mind, its only a rumour inside of his corrupted heart. But somewhere inside of him, he knows that his little dream is make believe. But for now, he wont listen to those in his mind, he'll believe what he wants. So why is he still drinking out of his mind? Why be lacking that happiness Paul brang? Because he isnt there, the other half of himself. 

He shuts himself away, not listening to anyone. His mother would try to comfort him, deciding it was best for her to leave him be, only checking to see if he was still alive now and again. His brother Jay knows it best to go out of site, after all Ben pleaded to him just for the day to be alone. Lola decides its best to take Lexi out of his way, allowing the peace to set into his ringing ears. Phil of course didnt bother helping with anything, doesnt understand the epileptic pain running through his blood streams like a raging river. Everyone was clear off his path, not asking if he was okay, not even looking his way. Good, Ben didnt need to talk, talk about what! He's dead, he doesnt need moral support from anyone- only the whiskey in his hand.

He sat in the car lot, drowning in his own misery. Ben knows he shouldnt, shouldnt think that way. Its like a snake though, eyes on you and before you know its squeezing you up and slowly strangling you. Strangling until you break, until your eyes pop out and your back at the beginning. Guilt. Guilt lies heavy on Ben. Paul, what would he do if it was the other way around? Maybe, far away, living life in bliss and being peaceful as a dove. Ben wouldnt lie to you if he said Paul would have forgotten this day. A death? Oh yeah, that Ben Mitchell kid! Forgot about him. Would Ben blame him though? He's the reason of his pain, hes the reason he got beaten, hes the reason Paul Coker is dead. He couldnt keep his mouth shut, he couldnt hold it in. Anger puking out his mouth and only caused it all to conflict the ray of sunshine in his life. He was the sun for Ben. And with him gone, everythings grey and dull. Nothing makes him wake up anymore in the morning.

A knock at the door, sudden and harsh, echoing the empty cabin. Ben didnt bother responding, only took another sip of whiskey and rolled his eyes. The knocking didnt stop however, and it was starting to annoy Ben. So with a loud spiteful groan, Ben stumbled off his chair and slammed the door open, glaring at the up comer with pure hatred. ''What!'' Ben spitefully asked, sounding demanding. Callum stood awkwardly, glancing over Ben's eyes while scratching the back of his neck. ''Uh hi!'' Callum cheerfully replied, being bluntly nervous. ''What do you want?'' Ben asked, rolling his eyes over and studying Callums face for answers, as if Ben didnt trust him and he was a serial killer. ''J-Just wanted to check if you were okay, i've heard a few things...'' Callum admitted, slowly motioning his way into the Cabin even though Ben clearly didnt want him here. ''Didnt you hear me last week? I dont want the hassle Callum!'' Ben groaned, rolling his back and slamming the door shut, leaning on the wall behind him. ''I know, this isnt about me though! I just want to be a friend to you-'' Ben didnt clearly appreciate Callums attempt and interrupted him. ''I have plenty of decent friends, Halfway! I dont think i need another one, especially not a 'friend' like you! So take this to no offence, but if i needed a friend i would have called one, a decent one anyway!'' Bens word stung, like a tiger bite digging in or a wasp nest landing into Callums arms to attack his heart. Callum nodded however, trying to keep his ground. ''I know its Pauls anniversary...'' Callum tried again. Ben laughed in his face, being empty and heartless. Ben fell into his chair again and slowed clap his hands. ''Oh do you, now? Hmm, what did you do? Put it in your calendar!'' Ben's wasnt mad at Callum, he was mad at himself. For a long long time, no one has made Ben feel this way, not since Paul of course. And he realises something harsh and heavy, harsher than his words or sarcasm. Anyone who loves him, they end up dead or broken. Abbie, dead. Paul, dead. Who else is truly next ? And Ben cant have any more guilt, hes protecting Callum. The guy cant be hurt, especially not by Bens hand. Thats why he pushes him away, he aint worth the pain for Callum. Not anymore that is. 

''Look, i know your hurt and you'd rather be on your own but... Maybe itll help to have someone with you! If it isnt me then atleast someone..'' Callum pleaded, puppy eyeing Ben and being serious. ''For a shoulder to cry on? I'll pass thanks!'' Ben didnt want to break the ''i hate you'' act, so being forceful with his words and not showing real emotions, Callum will leave surely. And anyway, Ben didnt want him here anyway, seeing him broken like this, shut down as all of his forces quit. ''Ben, please! Stop acting like this...'' Callum's voice broke a little, he just wanted Ben's facade to break, even a little. But Ben isnt as far as a quitter, and smiles gleefully, still being spiteful. ''Acting like what, Callum? Like i hate you, because maybe thats true!'' Ben's voice broke a little as well as Callums, and this picked up the tallers attention quick. Ben glared at the floor, biting his lip tightly, trying to brush it off. ''Look at me!'' Callum demanded. ''Why wont you look at me?'' Ben couldnt help but bite his tongue one last time before turning his head to look into Callums eyes. ''There isnt much to see though is there.'' Ben hated himself for doing it, or maybe it was just the whiskey. Callum could still come out, fall in love with someone like Paul and not someone like Ben. Never like someone like Ben. So the shorter stood up, straightened his back and started pouncing towards Callum, like as if Callum was his prey in an arena. ''I mean, look at you Callum! You can hardly spend a day without panicking or sweating! Whats so scary, Highway! Why you so jacked up all the time!'' Ben obviously wickedly teased, mocking Callum for him being so uptight and on edge. ''Got a secret in there?'' Ben questioned, in a mocking tone. He tapped Callums temple and smiled like a witch. Callum flinched a little, realising the sudden coldness of Bens normal warm touch''You got a lovely wife aint ya? So why be so scared, whats that little secret?! I'm pretty sure daddy would love to hear it!'' Callum looked away from Ben, verging on tears but not giving in. ''Ben this aint you...'' This broke Bens act, seeing the hurt in the mans eyes and voice. It rang in his ears, the hurt, the pain. All that in just a sentence Callum said, and it burned his skin open. Because it wasnt, he didnt want this to be himself.

The shorter lowered his head, either wanting to slap himself or run away. His smile dropped and his body felt numb. ''J-Just... Leave!'' Ben hissed through his teeth, biting through the burning. ''Ben!'' Callum reasoned. ''Go! please..'' Ben begged, letting on tear drop. Callum nodded slowly and placed a hand on top of Ben's shoulder. ''T-Tomorrow... Then will you talk...?'' Callum asked gently. Ben thought for a moment, swallowing all this self doubt layed infront of him. He did a short and slow nod, still staring at the ground. He felt the warmth of Callums hand squeeze him and he heard the footsteps of him walking away. The creak of the door opening and Ben looked up. ''Tomorrow!'' Callum smiled gently. ''And leave off the whiskey, please...'' Callum desperately added, being serious. Ben felt a small smile be placed on his lips before forcefully pulling it down. ''Yeah... Tomorrow, dont leave me hanging ha!'' Ben joked, chuckling a little before facing away and hearing the door shut. And he broke, tears flooding down and felt like a mess. He was a mess. A mess that no one wanted to clean up. A mess that no one can clean up... 


End file.
